I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
