eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
