there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
