I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
