Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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