I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize