And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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