Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
