Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
50% drunk capacity currently
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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