Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
