my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
