I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
