Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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