I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
