I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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