dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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