i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
