WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
we should paint friendship bongs
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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