there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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