No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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