he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
