Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
