Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize