Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
