If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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