I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My feet surprised me
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