what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
