u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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