Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
