i just google imaged poop.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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