dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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