Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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