Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
