Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
