..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
