that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
