literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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