have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We are two peas in an std pod
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
