No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
