I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
