I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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