The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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