yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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