I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Couch. On fire.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
