ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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