the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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