The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
