pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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