A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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