That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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