Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm always down for nudity.
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