Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
