It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
