I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
