I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
