We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
