I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
