Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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