don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
