bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
