OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
