I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize