used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
