Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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