Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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