So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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