Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize