Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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