I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
