I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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