just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
