Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
