I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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