FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
