It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
