Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
