Dual....:-)
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
